Thursday, 23 November 2017

Surprise Baby Shower

I have a sneaky, sneaky family and even sneakier friends.

I've mentioned that my mum was visiting last weekend. Since I'm doing much better at not throwing up now, providing I remember to actually take my anti-emetic on time, we've been able to do a whole lot more than during her last visit (when I was 11 weeks pregnant and essentially spent most of my time throwing up).

We'd had a midwife appointment and a meal out on the Friday, a trip to Glasgow for some clothes shopping and to look at baby carriers on the Saturday (which was great though I did overdo it a little and had to sit on the floor of Primark after coming over a bit faint), and on Sunday we planned to recover and take a walk in the afternoon.

I suggested we stroll along the beach at Scalpsie or Kilchattan and my mum jumped on the Kilchattan suggestion. Both mum and Mr Click seemed very keen for me to wear one of my new tops from our shopping expedition the previous day, which was a little odd but I figured they were just both pleased for me to have clothes that fit me again. Mr Click was out playing at church but when he returned he seemed very insistent that we had to leave for our walk pretty soon. Again, a little odd, but once he plans to do something he likes to get it done. I figured he was worried we'd change our minds and not go for a walk after all.

As we headed towards the beach my mum piped up from the back asking 'could we stop at Kingarth'. Again, a strange request, since we'd only traveled about five minutes from home, but I guessed she might have needed the loo.

We pulled up and I spotted my friend's car and speculated that she'd come out for lunch with someone, after all it was her birthday the other day, so that would've made sense. Mum disappeared inside and returned a few minutes later, this time asking me to join her. I was baffled but followed along, wondering if she was trying to make plans for accommodation when Bo is born, or perhaps for family members coming to the christening.

Inside there were a large group of friends and work colleagues. I was kind of baffled and for a moment I thought my mum was bringing me in to see them. It took a few seconds to realise they were all there for me!

I was totally and utterly spoiled. And it turns out that one of my friends had organised most of it, with help from my actually-quite-good-at-keeping-secrets husband, and had even got it arranged for when mum was visiting. Suddenly lots of little things fell into place, like the random insistence on me wearing a new top out and all the people asking what I still needed to get for the baby; one of the things they'd considered getting for us was the cot, until we got that ourselves!

We had presents and afternoon tea. Baby Bo is so well loved and spoiled already. He's got even more clothes, a whole hamper of baby essentials, and even more goodies from his Naini (she already came with blankets, muslins and handmade clothes); this included the essential parenting handbook 'Dr Xargle's Book of Earthlets'.

And then there were the games. We played guess the baby food (all desserts, thankfully) and tried to identify the substances in several nappies (there was some anxiety as the person who organised that one does have a young grandson and we were concerned the nappies looked a little too genuine). And stick the dummy on the baby.

There was even cake, made by my friend with an icing bunny on top. It was a fantastic afternoon.

I never really imagined I'd ever get to have a baby shower, it was something I liked the idea of but just didn't think it would happen. I vaguely at one point thought about trying to get my friends together to meet my mum while she was visiting, but sort of ran out of time to follow through on that idea.

It was great that she was able to come along and be involved. She even got a sash all of her own. I know she enjoyed herself and I definitely did as well.

Now I just need to find somewhere to keep all our new goodies.

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

28 Weeks Pregnant: Hello Third Trimester!

I'm so late posting this week, I'm going to blame my mum for that (hi mum!) since she's visiting this weekend and spending time with her has kept me busy and is kind of more interesting than blogging.

Friday just gone saw me hit 28 weeks which means I'm now officially into the home stretch. Third Trimester! It's scary to think how little time we have left now. It's like I've finally gotten used to being pregnant and soon everything is going to change again.

I'm truly loving my bump. I've been one of those women who just can't keep their hands off it, especially since Bo is pretty active and seems to expect some kind of response whenever he makes a move in there. I'm not loving the weird shape of my belly button so much, but it's a small price to pay for this gorgeous, round belly I've got now.

My Ovia Pregnancy app informs me that Baby Bo is currently the size of an echidna which is a painfully spiky animal to be considering in relation to one's reproductive organs!

He's certainly feeling a lot bigger these days and should be clocking in around the 2lbs mark by now. I'm more aware of body parts than I have been in the past. One day last week, after sorting a bunch of baby clothes onto his shelves, I wound up with a little foot using my ribcage as a footrest. Four hours later, after feeling something akin to heartburn in my lower ribcage, I was able to get him to shift it by lying on my side in a warm bath. I angled the side of the bump he was occupying so it was out of the water and he snuggled down into the warm bit. Instant relief! I'm going to have to get them to install a bath for me at work!

As I mentioned, mum's been visiting, and as I had a midwife appointment on Friday I invited her along. Mr Click has been to every appointment along the way for the IVF but I think he finds the midwife catch up appointments a little boring, apart from hearing Bo's heartbeat. He's deaf so he misses a lot of what is said, and there's lots of talking about various bits of my body that he's sort of excluded from, so I gave him the day off from this one and took mum instead so she could listen in on her grandson.

It ended up being a longer appointment than I was expecting. Up till now my appointments have consisted mostly of checking my blood pressure and heart rate (always higher when I'm at a medical appointment), doing a urine dip (finally got the hang of not producing ketones), checking whether I'm still throwing up (only when I forget to take my ondansetron), and then running through a little check list of how I'm feeling, how the baby is doing and topping up any bits and pieces I need like leaflets or vitamins.

This included all of the above but also my anti-D injection and a discussion about the birth and breastfeeding.

The anti-D shot is because I've got Rhesus Negative blood and rather than checking what blood type Mr Click is and trusting that the Glasgow Royal injected the right sperm into my egg, it's more fun to stab me with a really big needle and inject something stingy into my arm! It's basically to protect me, Bo and any future offspring against complications arising from my body becoming sensitised to Rhesus Positive blood.

I was under the impression I'd get two of these shots during pregnancy but it turns out they were giving me the full whack in one go. I'm grateful for this because it's not a particularly pleasant injection, though it's probably comparable to others I've had along the way. More stingy than the Clexane I was on, probably on a level with the Prostap.

One of the downsides to IVF treatment is that you get very familiar with needles and when the midwife brought it out I recognised that it was a green coloured needle. Those are the thick ones I used to draw up the liquid out of a vial before switching to a finger orange one for the actual injection. The anti-D injection is intramuscular so is done with the giant green needle. I felt pretty bruised afterwards and it bled a bit (because the big needle punches a sizeable hole in your arm), but otherwise it wasn't too bad. The midwife kept warning me it would hurt and apologising but it really was no big deal; getting a Prostap shot to my bum then having a bumpy ride home was still more unpleasant than this one.

We chatted about my hopes for breastfeeding, which was kind of good to have my mum there for, since she's done it twice herself. I want expecting the little pop quiz from the midwife about why breastfeeding was good for the baby but I rattled off what I knew about boosting his immunity, giving him the right vitamins and all that jazz. I feel confident that it's something I'll be supported with along the way and that they'll answer any questions I've got along the way.

We chatted about skin to skin after the birth as well, and how Mr Click can be involved with that. Probably the one bit of the discussion he missed out on in this appointment, but he'd already told me he wanted to do it so I knew his thoughts and feelings. He's also expressed a wish to stick at the head end of the bed when his son's born so we spoke about that too. I'm comfortable with him being wherever he's must comfortable during my labour, providing that's conscious and in the same room as me. Him getting squicked out and fainting if things get a bit gory won't do anyone any good!

That kind of led nicely to our discussion about the birth when the midwife checked I was aware that it would be likely I'd be induced at 39 weeks if labour didn't happen naturally by then. It wasn't news to me, but it's kind of scary to actually hear someone else say it.

The main reason for this is because of the IVF treatment. With a 'normal' pregnancy there's a margin of error for when the vast was conceived and how old the placenta is; in an IVF pregnancy we know virtually to the minute. After 40 weeks of pregnancy, IVF babies have a higher rate of complications, which isn't fully understood but is thought to be due to a combination of factors; the placenta gets older and doesn't function as well because the baby is almost done using it, women who have had fertility treatment may be older so don't have age on their side, other factors which caused the infertility might come into play (we're well aware of my endometriosis and the clotting issue that could have potentially stopped the placenta from working in the first trimester), among other reasons. All this means that the closer we get to my due date, the safer Bo will be outside of my body.

The other issue is because I've been flagged as high risk, I'm not allowed to give birth on the island. We have a tiny community birthing unit (one room, plus another with a birthing pool) and they just don't have the tools and equipment for dealing with a complicated labour. The last thing anyone wants is for a helicopter to take them to the mainland while they're in the throes of labour and things have started going wrong.

I'll be giving birth in the consultant led unit in a big Glasgow hospital so it's better that I'm booked in there for a specific date than potentially having to make an hour and a half ferry and road journey, or use the aforementioned helicopter. We should find out more about the specifics at our December consultant appointment.

The midwife had a good poke at Bo and figured out that he was chilling in a had down, bum up position. His heartbeat was just fine (I think measuring between 126bpm and 155bpm while she monitored it); he got a good solid kick on his old nemesis, the doppler, too. It was hard enough that my mum saw it move from across the room. I had my belly measured too and clocked in at 27cm, putting Bo squarely in the 50% percentile.

And that was pretty much it, apart from me asking the midwife about my glucose tolerance test and her realising that I did need to do one and it should have probably been scheduled for that day's appointment.

I did that yesterday in the end, but that's for another blog post.

Saturday, 11 November 2017

27 Weeks Pregnant

Have you noticed a stranger commenting on your recent blog posts? Perhaps during the wee small hours of the morning.

Yes, I'm slowly getting back into visiting my friends blogs, usually early in the morning when Bo is having a kickboxing session and I can't sleep.

There's been rather a lot of not sleeping this week. I keep waking after midnight, going to the loo, then tossing and turning until around 4am. As well as having an irrational hatred of my right thigh, Bo's not keen on me resting my arm on my belly, which is unfortunate considering the size of it (my belly, not my arm). There's really nowhere else for it to go (either belly or arm).

If anything my bump is even bigger today than that photo taken yesterday.

Speaking of yesterday, the day I hit 27 weeks pregnant also happens to be the 40th anniversary of Louise Brown's conception. For those not in the know, she was the first person to be born as a result of IVF treatment. It made me feel rather emotional to know that just over forty years ago, none of this was possible.

In fact, it's only 34 years since the first successful frozen embryo transfer and only 25 since the first conception using ICSI. That's massive developments in infertility treatment roughly within my lifespan; I can't help but wonder how things will change by the time Bo is my age!

This week has reminded me of just how loved Bo is already.

At work I was called into another room where a massive pile of baby clothes had been laid out for me. One of my colleagues (the one who addresses all his emails to me and the bump, like Bo is part of our team) had a clear out and we are now conveniently well stocked on clothes in 'tiny baby' sizing.

Honestly, it feels like he could fit into some of them already! I sorted through them this afternoon and came to feel what was either an unusually hard hernia or a baby foot pressing out just under my ribcage. Since it's mostly moved now, I'm guessing that's just my son stretching his legs!

And we've booked Bo's baptism as well.

It's something we've been discussing in recent weeks. Whether we would go for a baptism or a blessing service (slightly different wording and no godparents). Mr Click is involved musically in two sister churches which both have the same minister so there was the question of where it would be as well.

As he's more religiously inclined than I am, and y'know actually goes to church at least once a month, I left it to him to investigate and decide on what we'd do.

Well, this week it all came together. The minister is happy to do the full baptism, the couple we'd hoped to be Bo's godparents are thrilled to have been asked, people at work have said they'd like to come.

I may have got a little emotional about this yesterday which came to a head when I discovered we'd run out of orange juice and so had a little cry.

It's amazing to be making plans for this little person who isn't actually here yet. I mean he's very much here, I can feel him trying to move into my ribcage as I type, but he's still not quite a tangible person.

And yet by this time next week I will have entered my third trimester. I'm only going to get bigger and more uncomfortable as the weeks go on and yet each week, each day, brings me closer to meeting this little guy in person. And I'm so in love with him I just can't wait to get properly acquainted.

Friday, 3 November 2017

26 Weeks Pregnant

After our rocky start to pregnancy, with the sickness and the dehydration and the liver failure, I'm really enjoying this stage. Looking back to 14 weeks ago, I couldn't really imagine feeling so happy and comfortable as I do now.

Of course, comfortable is a relative term.

I'm getting pretty used to feeling uncomfortable somewhere between most of the day and all of the time, and I'm fully aware that as Bo and I grow, that's only going to get worse. But on the whole, not feeling like you're dying does wonders to improve your general mood and well-being.

I think feeling Bo move makes such a difference. I'm fairly certain that my mood directly correlates to how much he's been moving on a given day. If I feel several good wiggle sessions I can just relax and enjoy him; if he's quieter or has turned round so I don't feel him so well, then I can't help but worry.

As I'm writing this (at 6.30am!) he's been thumping and kicking and wiggling for the last hour and a half. I think we'll have a quiet day today after this, I'm pretty knackered and I've just been lying here feeling his workout so he must be ready for a good long nap!

I love feeling like in getting to know him. I realise this may all be projection, there's no real way of knowing what he'll be like til he arrives, but right now I have a sense of him being quite a lot like me in personality (spare a moment of sympathy for poor Mr Click at the thought of there being two of me in our house).

I've mentioned before that Bo doesn't like his space to be invaded. He even takes offense to me leaning an arm on my bump or letting the edge of a plate rest against it. I'll get a series of kicks to let me know something is in his way and he'd like it gone.

But he also seems to like reassurance that he's not alone. He'll often kick and if I don't give him a little pat or rub, I'll get another insistent little kick. Of course he kicks back when I poke him but if I don't respond to him it's like he's trying to get my attention and one he knows I'm listening (or rather, feeling, him) I get lighter taps or he moves on to thumping somewhere else.

I can kind of imagine him being in there going "Mum. Mum! MUM!" Until he gets his response. It's sweet. I can't help but wonder if this will continue when he's born. Perhaps he won't want us rubbing or touching him when he's in his crib, but he'll let out a little noise every once and a while to remind us he's there and check we're still paying attention to him.

I can't wait to find out.

I've also just this week discovered that the hand dryers at work make him jump. They sound like aeroplane engines but maybe a decibel or two louder. I thought I'd noticed movement from him when I was drying my hands but it wasn't until yesterday that I could be sure there was a pattern, sure enough, there is. The second the dryer goes on, I get a little jump in my belly and sometimes he follows it up with a thump (presumably the antenatal version of hitting the ceiling with a broom). I can't really blame him, the source of the noise is only a few inches away from my belly after all.

I also feel like I'm growing by the hour at the moment. At work today I got several comments from people about my rapidly expanding belly (it's 34" around my belly button and about 37" around at the widest point)! The vest top I wore to work today actually tucked in when I put it on, though it didn't stay that way if I raised my arms, but by the time I left it wouldn't come more than an inch below my belly button. I'm going to need to get some more in a larger size (these are my regular size 10 vest tops from Primark) or I'll just accept that vest tops make me look like Winnie the Pooh now!

It is a little alarming to think I've still got 14 weeks to go and so much more growing to do. But I'm enjoying watching the bump grow.

I don't think I've ever allowed so many photos to be taken of me!

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Having a baby on a budget

I've made no secret of the fact that it's taken a lot of expense to make Baby Bo, physical and emotional expense mostly, but there's a lot of actual financial expense there too.

For starters there was a £4000 loan for our private first round of treatment (which was ultimately cancelled so we didn't actually use it all).

Then there were all the pennies spent on our 'free' NHS goes. Whenever IVF on the NHS gets mentioned in the news it seems to be assumed that you're just handed the treatment on a plate, but there are a huge number of costs associated with it; travel to the hospital for scans and blood tests three times a week, the days lost from work for those appointments, the hotel you may need to stop in to get to egg collection on time, the recovery time afterwards which again eats into your work hours.

Plus there's the other little expenses associated with trying to conceive; 7.5 years worth of folic acid (admittedly, I qualified for that on the NHS but when they started finding my baby I switched to buying my own multivitamin), ovulation tests, the masses of pregnancy tests.

It all adds up.

People have been very quick to tell me that having a baby is expensive. We've spent thousands on making Baby Bo; getting ready for his arrival, we've spent hundreds and we're practically ready to go.

Here's how we're doing it:

Buy second-hand
This seems so obvious to me but the number of people who have reacted with horror at the thought of us putting our previous infant into things that have been *gasp* used before!

Newsflash! Babies grow. Fast.

In the same breath as telling me they only ever bought brand new stuff for their baby, at massive expense, these people often tell me how many things they passed on that had never been worn or used because baby outgrew them.

With that in mind, Mr Click and I have been scouring our local Facebook resale pages and eBay for bargains with the caveat that the two things we absolutely must buy new are the cot mattress and car seat.

Sometimes this might mean buying things a little sooner than you planned. I agonized over whether or not to pick up the Moses basket above when it was listed on Facebook as I'd only just turned 13 weeks pregnant, wasn't that too early?

The desire for a good bargain won out and we got it for £20, when the complete set online retails for around £140. Obviously we bought a brand new mattress but the whole thing came to less than £30.

Other great deals have included:

  • A box of assorted 0-3 months clothing for £13 on eBay
  • A bouncy chair for £10 from a local Facebook group
  • A second bouncy chair (for Grandma and Grandad's house), baby gym, baby bath seat, and a selection of toys, blankets, muslins, and clothes of various sizes all for £60 from our next door neighbour
  • A cot complete with brand new, never used mattress, for £45 from our friends' parents
  • Another box of assorted baby clothes, blankets and bedding for £15 from eBay
We've got some filling up round the edges to do in the clothing department but getting second-hand means we have a good selection of clothes to be starting with. And what we buy new will be filling in the gaps, rather than having to start from scratch so it helps take some of the pressure off too.

Use what you already have
Buying baby stuff seems to be a lot like buying wedding stuff. You add one extra little keyword and suddenly there's another one (or two!) zeros on the end of the price!

I was horrified early in the pregnancy to discover that in one popular baby supply store you can buy a set of drawers for over £200 which you then have to pay an additional £60 to get a wooden tray to attach to the top to use as a changing table! Especially as 90% of the people I've spoken to have said 'don't waste your money on a changing table'.

Bo's room has been a spare room/general dumping ground since we moved in. We've put a bed in there, which we're keeping as it doesn't make sense to get rid of a perfectly good need he'll eventually need anyway. And two bookcases, one of which we always planned to keep in there for him, the other had a slightly more ambiguous fate.

Until recently.

It occurred to me that the bookcase would probably actually work quite well as a makeshift wardrobe. Sure enough, £21 later, we've bought some plastic tubs and baskets to use as 'drawers' and I've already started stashing baby clothes in them.

In the future we can buy a wardrobe when Bo's actually old enough to need one. And then I can have my bookcase back.

Accept hand-me-downs and gifts, but be specific
Several people have offered me freebies, just the other week at work a friend heard me talking about sheets for the Moses basket. A few days later she gave me a bag containing three from when her daughters were tiny.

Other people have offered to buy little presents or asked what we needed. It's weird to tell people what you want, but it's a good way to fill in the gaps in your inventory. To start off with I was noncommittal and replied with things like 'whatever, just clothes and things' which is clearly a frustrating answer to receive.

When a friend asked more recently I was perfectly happy to let her know I was looking for a baby sleeping bag. It gave her something specific to look for and I've got something to tick off my list of things to get.

Plus it saves me the trouble of having to clear through a bunch of things we'll never want nor need without hurting anyone's feelings. If you don't want your baby dressed in a certain style of clothing, tell people, they'll be grateful to get you something you'll actually like.

The biggest gift we've received is our pram, from my mum and step-dad (no pictures yet since it deserves a post of its own). We saved money here by doing our research, going for a less well-known brand and ordering it direct from the manufacturer. This meant that we got a lot more for our money than if we'd gone for the equivalent big name brand version.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have people who can spring for the big ticket stuff like this and we would have been happy going second-hand for the pram, then getting our car seat brand new ourselves. Bo's other grandparents have offered to take car of his next car seat for us which was also very generous and not something we were counting on. People want to get involved when you're having a baby so don't feel bad about saying yes if someone wants to treat you and the baby. Make sure you find out their budget and stick within it; spend their money wisely, you don't want to take liberties with their goodwill.

Speaking of which...

Set a budget
Mr Click and I never formally sat down with a spreadsheet to work out what we'd spend and where, but we had a rough idea of what we were willing to pay. We visited John Lewis and Mothercare early in the game to get an idea of prices for things, then compared then across the board in places like Tesco, Asda and online.

It's very easy to get swept up in the excitement of having a baby and get carried away buying things you could get cheaper or elsewhere.

Listen to advice (but feel free to disregard it)
You know how it is, you get pregnant and suddenly everyone's an expert on what you should and shouldn't be doing, but the people who have done it before are a handy resource.

I've asked countless people what their essential items were and what they've regretted buying. And been surprised by the answers a lot of the time. Changing tables are viewed by most as wholly unnecessary whereas you can never have too many blankets or muslins. Certain brands of nappies get ranked higher than others and plenty of people are quick to tell you which own brand products are better than the real thing.

Of course, for every person who insists they couldn't have done without the £200 vibrating baby chair for their colicky infant, there's someone else whose baby hated it. So ask around before making any big purchases and if you're at all unsure, don't rush into buying something just because someone else said you should.

Take advantage of offers and stock up in advance
Everyone seems to have a Baby Event every few months nowadays. Between us my mum, Mr Click and I have taken great advantage of the Aldi event, buying a little of everything so we've now got bottles, blankets, muslins (can't have too many, remember), towels and a baby monitor.

It felt a little strange to start buying nappies when I was just four months pregnant, but it helps to spread the cost. Better to spend the odd £5-10 on them now and get a good supply in, than find ourselves constantly running out and having to go to the expensive local shops when Bo arrives (though that well inevitably happen too).

I'm sure that there are plenty of other things I could add to this list. As it stands we've probably spent less than £300 kiting ourselves out for Baby Bo's arrival; including the travel system that's still less than £600 (we easily spent that much on hospital trips to the ACS clinic in Glasgow this year alone).

So while we might have spent a small fortune making the baby, we're fairly confident that we're saving enough money in our preparations for him getting here that we'll be able to focus on using the money we've saved to really enjoy him when he's born.

What are your tips for having a baby on a budget?

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Happy Halloween from Baby Bo

My son is now strong enough that his kicks can be seen through my clothing, but until today I've not been able to catch it on camera.

Baby Bo decided to show off his new skills as a little Halloween treat. Keep an eye on the baby skeleton's ribcage.

Admittedly, this was after I was a very bad mummy and hyped my tiny person up with Maoms and Haribo at my work's Halloween Day. But I did get a great response (and several odd looks from my colleagues as I recorded my belly).

So Happy Halloween from the Click family. Hope you're all having a good day.

Sunday, 29 October 2017

25 Weeks Pregnant

Better late than never, right?

I turned 25 weeks pregnant on Friday and I'm feeling most definitely pregnant now.

I look it too!

I don't normally compare one week to the next but I've got decidedly bumpier this week.

There was one day last week, I think it was Wednesday or Thursday when I ended up feeling really uncomfortable. My bump ached and felt crampy and weird. Just when it was reaching a point where I thought I should call the midwife it subsided and went back to normal.

And the next day I was even bigger!

I suspect that the discomfort was caused by Baby Bo readjusting his position. The next morning my bump was lopsided and I was getting kicks in places I'd not felt them before.

Since then I've felt little ripples as he's moved himself around again. Before he was mostly on the left, then last week it was the right and now he's all over. I'm not even sure which bits of him I'm feeling at the moment because I'm not sure which way up he is, let alone what's feet, what's hands, what's bum, and what's head!

I've also finally progressed onto wearing my over the bump work trousers up over the bump. Until recently I'd been folding down the extra fabric because it was too loose. Not any more!

Of course, now we'll be dressing down for November and December so I won't actually need those trousers again until January! But I've got some proper use out of them at least.

I was planning on weaning myself off the ondansetron this weekend, but I made the mistake of forgetting to take my evening dose on Tuesday. And thew up seconds after getting off the phone with my mum. Turns out that skipping the evening dose probably isn't a good idea after all.

I'll maybe give the weaning another go in a month or so but I'm pretty much resigning myself to the fact that I have hyperemesis and I need antiemetics to keep me from throwing up.

As much as I'd love to be totally drug free now for Bo's sake, a mummy who can't eat properly and throws up much of what she eats isn't going to be good for the little guy either.

Monday, 23 October 2017

Getting to know you

Check this out, blogging twice in one week! This could become a habit.

I'm actually writing this yesterday morning, lying awake with my standard case of pregnancy insomnia and enjoying feeling my little guy wiggle and kick. It's got me thinking that I know him pretty well in some ways and not at all in others.

It's kind of weird to think that in less than four months this little near stranger will be moving into our house, so it's reassuring to remind myself that I do kind of know something about him.

Right from the beginning, well 12 weeks, Bo has hated having his space invaded. One of my lasting memories of that scan, our third glimpse of him (not counting seeing his bundle of cells pre-transfer), was the way he turned his back on us. It was done very pointedly, as though he was saying 'okay, you've had your look, now leave me alone'. He rolled over in exactly the same shifting motion as his dad does in bed when I'm talking too much and he wants to sleep.

This hatred of having his personal space invaded has continued as he's grown. We've seen him pushing the scanner probe away from him in black and white on the screen, raising his little hands above his head and giving it a firm shove. He has a special dislike of the doppler and on at least two out of three occasions when he's met it he's managed to land a perfect hit on it as he attempts to kick it away. If you want to incite him to kick, prod my belly, it's rare that this doesn't get you a 'knock it off' kick or punch from within.

He's also not a fan of one of my hitherto most comfy positions. I like to sit or lie with my right leg bent up towards my tummy. Clearly this cramps his space because he's now able to tell me this might be comfy for me, but it isn't for him, and kicks my thigh til I move it. Sometimes I'm a nice mummy and give in to his comfort over mine; sometimes I'd rather sit with my leg where it feels good though, sorry kiddo.

He likes cheese and onion crisps. This is a recent discovery. For the last couple of weeks I've started getting a mid-morning cheese and onion crisp craving. When I inevitably give in to it, Baby Bo gives me this happy little wiggle. It's become a regular part of my work day, sharing a packet of crisps and enjoying one another's company.

Haribo Tangfastics have a similar effect, though I question my wisdom at hyping my son up on sugar this early in his young life. I tired him out the other day when we got a massive bag of Haribo at work and I steadily munched my way through every mini pack of Tangfastics I could lay my hands on. He was so active I could see my belly thumping through my top, but the next day he was pretty quiet. I guess the sugar let down is even heavier when you're only the size of an ear of corn.

Baby Bo seems to enjoy baths. We usually have one on a Saturday afternoon to unwind and when I get in he thumps around then mostly chills, unless I top up the hot water.

Conversely, he did not seem to enjoy ex-Ophelia who paid us a visit last week. I'm sure barometric pressure must have had an effect on him. He was pretty quiet for the two days of strong winds we had, but made up for it after. It was like he knew we needed to hunker down.

He doesn't much like going to work with me. Sorry little guy, since we're a package deal right now, you've still got another three months of that to look forward to.

He has virtually stopped having me throw up for roughly an hour of each day we are there, for which I'm grateful for. He does still impose some pretty strict rules though.

I've already mentioned the cheese and onion crisps which I bribe him with to get through the day. My son, like his father, is very food-oriented. Lunch MUST be Philadelphia and Ryvitas. Attempts to switch the menu to something mummy might enjoy more have been met with violent disgust (and vomiting, from me, not him). Since I'd rather spend my afternoon at my desk than crouched over a loo in a toilet cubicle, I meekly comply with my son's demands and add variety with the occasional second bag of crisps for the day.

He's also not a fan of me writing at my desk at work. I've recently taken on a new role at work which means I have a big notebook on my desk which I frequently spend time writing notes in. Like his aversion to my right leg, he doesn't care for my hunched over notebook writing position. Of course, he has no shame in letting me know this, but as writing angles are somewhat limited, he's mostly going to have to learn to accept this one.

From what we've seen of him in his recent scans, he's fascinated by his face. I can't blame him there. It's an adorable little face and I can't wait to study it too.

And in the absence of a mirror in there, he's having to resort to other methods to explore his good looks. When you've covered that ground with your hands, it's time to branch out and see what you can learn using your feet!

I'm fairly certain he's got my nose, which is exciting. No one else in the family has my quirky turned up nose. I'm looking forward to seeing if this is something we'll share, but based on what we've seen of that little face so far, there's definitely a family resemblance.

He's also a bit of a night owl. He does seem to enjoy a good dance party around 1 or 2am. I'm sure this is partly to blame for my early morning blog post writing. He's been wiggling and kicking pretty much the entire time it's taken to write this post. I foresee many more sleepless nights in our future once he arrives!

I'm also pretty certain that Baby Bo will not become an Alexander in four months time. This was a bit of a surprise to me when I realised it about a month ago, but as I get to know him better, he just doesn't feel like the Xander I've been imagining all these years. He's someone else entirely and that's pretty cool. Especially since the name he feels like seems more and more right for him as the weeks progress.

We still have an awful lot to learn about him. Will he settle best for mummy or daddy? Will he enjoy car rides or see them as a special kind of torture? Will he be an easy going little guy or a demanding baby?

Who knows?

But I feel like I'm starting to get a handle on this little fellow I'm sharing my body with right now. And I'm sure I'll learn so much more about him in the coming months before B-Day (that's Birth-Day, obviously).

Saturday, 21 October 2017

24 Weeks Pregnant

I'm sorry, I've been neglecting the blog the last few weeks. Pregnancy has been eventful as always and that's my main reason for not updating. So here's a quick rundown of what we've been up to, more or less in the order it happened.

There is no denying the bump now. I feel like I get bigger by the day. Honestly, I kind of love it. We only have one teeny tiny shaving mirror in our house so when we stopped at my in-laws' house last week (due to Ophelia potentially cutting us off at home) I may have spent longer than necessary admiring my belly in the mirror there. It's just lovely.

In my 22nd week I had a midwife appointment to check up on me, Bo and pick up my MATB1 form. While there I mentioned the weird rash that had developed on my right cheek (you can see a hint of it in my 21 week photo up there).

Suddenly the midwife was pulling out an info sheet on Slap Cheek (also known as Fifth Disease or Parvovirus B19) and getting me an appointment with the doctor for that afternoon. Bloods were taken and I was checked to see if I had an active infection. I didn't and when they discovered this the lab helpfully cancelled the test to see if I had an immunity to Parvo (which would mean I'd had it in the past and was immune now). So we're none the wiser as to what it was but at last it's gone now.

Of course the highlight of the appointment was listening in to Bo's heartbeat again. One of Baby Bo's last favourite things in the world. The midwife said he sounded like a boy.

We also had a Superhero Day at work that week. I dressed up at Super Mum-to-be, complete with cape, mask, L-plate, and accessory belt containing a bottle, nappy, teething ring and Superbaby onesie.

Note the strategic placement of my L-plate. The skeletal baby on my top is making a rather obscene, work-inappropriate hand gesture.

And then we hit the weekend which was pretty eventful.

I spent the weekend wondering if I was getting a UTI, despite there being no sign of a problem at my midwife appointment. The needed to pee almost all the time, felt generally uncomfortable down there and pretty much bleh. But it wasn't constant.

I felt well enough on the Saturday to escape the island for a while to get measured at M&S for some maternity bras (ZOMG! The comfiest bras I've ever owned). But by Sunday I was feeling more rotten again.

Mr Click gamely produced two cartons of cranberry juice and I chugged my way through them as the day went on, trying to see if it was making a difference.

That afternoon I got back ache. Just mild at first, which I put down to sitting in my in-laws' uncomfortable sofa. The evening wore on and it got worse and worse, all centralised on my lower right hand back and no amount of shifting position would help it was.

At 10.30pm I admitted defeat, accepted paracetamol had made no difference whatsoever, and called the midwife, who told me to head in to hospital. This was all very similar to my kidney issue of a couple of years ago, something she agreed with after finding blood and protein in my urine sample.

I was allowed home with antibiotics and painkillers, and an appointment at Day Care at the mainland hospital for that day (by this time it was after midnight). But not before a thorough examination.

One again, Bo was most miffed at having his space invaded. The midwife prodded my belly all over to check I wasn't having connections; Bo responded to that by kicking out at her. Then she grabbed Bo's old friend, the doppler. His little heart was pounding away at around the 155bpm mark, but he didn't appreciate being spied on and squirmed away. When the midwife chased him across my belly, he let her know his displeasure by aiming a direct kick onto the doppler probe. Even the midwife felt it.

To cut a long story short, this week, I did manage to pass a large kidney stone. Followed by what I suspect was a smaller one a couple of days ago. Hopefully that's the last of it now.

And as of yesterday, I'm 24 weeks pregnant.

It feels incredible to have reached this point. Aside from the tiredness and nausea still, I'm feeling pretty good. I definitely have more energy than before but I have to use it sparingly, if I do too much I need more time to recover afterwards. But I don't feel the need to spend all my time in a darkened room napping anymore.

And Bo is getting stronger now. He's able to kick hard enough to actually see the movement on the outside. I've spent way too much time this week watching my belly to see where the next one will hit. It looks pretty freaky but so cool at the same time.

I may have eaten a few too many Haribo Tangfastics this week in an attempt to encourage the little guy to kick. I'm practicing already for my Bad Mother Award, hyping my son up on sugar to get him to perform.

But it just feels lovely to have him wiggling away in there. Apart from when he scores a direct hit right before the belly button; that's a very odd sensation!

Friday, 29 September 2017

21 Weeks Pregnant

Dear Baby Bo,

I feel like it's time that I addressed one of these updates to you directly. Hi little guy! I'm your mum. I'm the one whose bladder you're currently using as a pillow and enjoying feeling you kick.

Right now I look like this:

We got another sneak peek at you today, thanks to your shenanigans last week when your heart rate was higher than they liked for a baby of your age. I must confess, thus was entirely my fault. After you wouldn't move from your Baby Buddha position in my pelvis, I took it upon myself to try running up the stairs back to the maternity floor at the hospital. It got my heart pumping and apparently yours too!

This time we were a lot calmer. The consultant we saw complimented us on what a compliant baby you were, just to show us up after last week, I'm sure. Your heart was perfect, just like the rest of you.

You did put on quite a show for us though. Even Dr M couldn't help but laugh when you decided to demonstrate how flexible you are by sticking your foot up your nose!

So not only are you a great thinker; you're a bit of a clown as well!

I feel like I'm getting to know you now.

We often lie awake together in the wee small hours of the morning, you giving me little kicks and nudges and me rubbing or gently poking you back.

You tend to find work boring and don't bother kicking too much, unless I crack out the dry roasted peanuts. I tried switching out the Philadelphia and Ryvitas we have been having for lunch there for cold pasta, because I was getting bored. You weren't impressed and I threw up on both Monday and Tuesday this week. We switched back to the Philly on Wednesday and you've gone easy on me ever since. I can't believe you're not even born yet and I'm already giving in to your demands!

You don't like having your space invaded. You didn't seem to appreciate your 12 week scan. When the midwife used the doppler on you at 17 weeks you kicked out at it. At your scan last week you were pushing up against the scanner as though you were trying to get it out your personal bubble. I don't blame you, I don't like people invading my personal space either!

You've got a comfortable spot in there too and don't seem in any rush to move out of it. I kind of like that though. The strong thumps to my right are your feet, the lighter ones to the left or middle are your hands, the occasional jab to the left is your head and is usually followed by a ripple as you adjust your position. Yesterday at work I got a strange flip flop sensation which I think was you turning over.

It's going to be a long wait until we see you again in December, but I'm going to enjoy getting to know you from your movements in the meantime.

Keep growing and getting stronger, little boy.

I love you so much already and more with each passing week.

Your Mummy

Friday, 22 September 2017

20 Weeks Pregnant

We've reached the halfway point! Who ever thought I'd ever get to this stage?!

This week Facebook popped up a memory reminding me that a year ago that day we'd gone to Glasgow for our WTF appointment after our failed cycle that summer. That was the day when we put the plan in place which ultimately led to Baby Bo being conceived, transferred and us reaching where we are today. It's been a long time coming.

Today I'm looking decidedly rounder than I was last year:

And the reason for the big grin today?

Well we had our 20 Week scan today. And I know you've seen pictures of Baby Bo before, but humour me with one more.

Allow me to introduce my son:

Yes, son.

It's looking like Baby Bo is almost certainly a boy. I'm having a son. A son who apparently is already an intellectual given his evident resemblance to The Thinker.

For a while it didn't look like we were going to be able to find out. Bo was sitting nice and comfy with his bum planted deep in my pelvis and his head off towards my left hand side.

Eventually, after trying a hip wiggle which did absolutely nothing to reposition my stubborn little son, I was instructed to go take a walk. We took the stairs down to the ground floor, walked round then back up the stairs again. I may have jogged on the spot and tried touching my toes in an attempt to shift him up a little way.

It made very little difference.

Baby Bo turned round slightly so we established he has a spine and pair of kidneys. But we still have to go back next week to have another look at his heart which was registering a little above the normal range; probably because of the orange juice, chocolate bar and running up and down stairs. Hopefully all will be good at that scan and we'll get to enjoy another sneak peek at our baby boy.

Once we'd established all of this A, who was doing the scan, asked if we'd like tip know the sex. Well, Mr Click and I have £35 riding on whether we're having a boy or a girl. She took a look and she was pretty certain Baby Bo is a little boy.

That means I won the bet.

And I get to have a little boy too.

Saturday, 16 September 2017

19 Weeks Pregnant

By this time next week we will have had our 20 week scan and may even know if Baby Bo is Baby Boy Bo or Baby Girl Bo. After being so sure Bo was a he, I can't help but feel myself swinging in the other direction a little now. I'm hedging my bets, I guess.

Opinions on what you're thinking it is, besides a baby, obviously, are most welcome. Perhaps we should have a poll.

I've been a little bubble of anxiety this week just thinking about it. Perhaps part of the reason why I'm awake at 4am writing a blog post (the other part is because I was dithering about buying a second-hand cot which I checked on at 3am, as you do, to find I'd missed it, now I'm considering springing £100+ for a new one just because).

I've had three scans in this pregnancy and before each one I've worked myself up about it. There'll be nothing there, it'll be bad news, something will be wrong. I'm reassured by the fact that these seem to be fairly normal worries and it's perfectly natural to care about the health and well-being of your unborn child, but that doesn't make it any easier to sleep through the night.

Added to this, Baby Bo helpfully fell silent on me for most of this week.

Since I started feeling little ripples of movement, things have been fairly consistent. Midway through or after meals I get some movement and sitting upright for a while then quickly lying on my left will prompt a wiggle (I like to think the baby suddenly finds itself upside down and this wiggle is a general complaint about me moving without warning, sorry kid, but it's pre-emptive revenge for all those nights you're going to spend trying to get your feet into my lungs).

Well, aside from odd little flutters, from Sunday onwards Bo has been rather quiet. I was still getting occasional 'was that the baby?' moments but it wasn't as familiar as it has been which of course does nothing to quiet the worry of the upcoming scan.

Reading online shows that I'm still pretty early to be feeling anything as a first time mum, that I probably won't notice a real pattern to movements for another month or two, and that the baby has a lot going on at the moment so may be sleeping a little more for growth spurt energy. Despite knowing this, I had several conversations with my belly begging Baby Bo to kick or something.

Bo responded by having me throw up in the shower on Wednesday. All normal in there then.

Thursday I tried playing classical music to my abdomen to see what Bo thought. I selected tracks by Donald Fraser, who does arrangements of Disney songs in the style of classical composers. Age appropriate and soothing to the foetal brain.

Bo wasn't impressed. Not a wiggle did we get.

Later that day I was listening to the Moana soundtrack, post-shower, phone in hand, reclining in bed, when I got a definite movement. Bo has good taste. Moana was the film I watched the day after our embryo transfer and again on the day I found out I was pregnant. Bo obviously recognises the significance there.

Which brings me to yesterday, 19 weeks on the dot. I had to do a comparison photo showing two weeks ago (roughly) because the bump is definitely bumping now:

It's so unbelievably amazing to see me with this little proto-bump, after all these years of reading blogs where other women graduate and get theirs, that I can't help but go back and keep looking at it.

You can also see that I'm finally putting on weight now I'm eating more normally. The chubby cheek look is how I normally look, the one on the left is still rather 'recovering from malnutrition'. Until I was pregnant and suffering from hyperemesis I never had such defined cheek bones. I'm not a fan of my chubby cheeks but I'm kind of glad to have them back.

It's also weird to look down at my big round belly (I should take a top view photo, it looks much bigger from up here compared to the side view) and realise that it's going to get a lot bigger yet! Sometimes it feels so stretched and uncomfortable that I can't believe I'll grow anymore, then I see photos like that one and realise it still has it in it!

Anyway, back to yesterday. I've been craving dry roasted peanuts this week, Bo may finally be getting over the Philadelphia kick, so I sat at my desk at work shovelling peanuts into my mouth (why does the phone ring right after you've put a handful of nuts into your mouth?!) and Bo started having a little party in there. I have no idea what he was up to but there was almost constant swooshing and ripples going on down there. Very nice and reassuring.

I guess this means Bo is as nutty as his (her?) parents!

Saturday, 9 September 2017

18 Weeks Pregnant

Well, 18 weeks and 1 day today. It's been a long and tiring week after traveling back from Lincolnshire on Sunday. In hindsight, I probably should have taken Monday off to recover from the journey.

All the same, I've slept really well this week, aside from the middle of the night trips to the loo. And I'm spending my Saturday morning chilling in bed with Tara and Bo watching 101 Dalmatians. Tara likes it because there's a black Labrador in it; Bo is still forming an opinion.

Despite being tiring and busy, it's been a fantastic week.

The first highlight was surprising everyone by returning to work with a bona fide bump.

This photo is actually from 17+3 because my bump yesterday looked smaller. I think it was a combination of the trousers I was wearing and the angle I was standing at.

Of course, I've been aware of a bump for a few weeks now, but it was fun to have other people spot it at last. I even got my first unsolicited bump handling, it was from a friend who is generally touchy feely so I didn't really mind. I may slap the first stranger who touches my tummy though!

Second highlight was definitely my midwife home visit on Tuesday. Everyone else I've spoken to has their home visit much later in the pregnancy, with the exception of a few who have had their booking appointment at home. Here on my little island home, that's just how we roll, I guess.

The midwife also brought a student midwife with her. I'm a teaching case, apparently. She went over my notes with her to show that just because a pregnant woman has no ketones in her urine (because she's only able to stand sucking on sweets, rather than eating or drinking) doesn't mean that she can't be dehydrated and going into liver failure. I'm guessing the consultant at Inverclyde may have been in contact with them.

Most of the appointment was spent filling in a rather repetitive form about my Strengths and Pressures both now and when the baby arrives. It seemed largely geared towards women who are maybe having an unplanned pregnancy or who or younger and having been trying to start a family for upwards of seven years. Yes, I'm taking my vitamins. No, I don't smoke, drink or take drugs. Yes, I understand the baby will need love and care once it's born.

Then there was the pee test in a leaky pee pot.

I was given one of those foil containers which always remind me of Chinese takeaway tins. I was instructed to use it to fill a sample bottle and leave some in the container so the midwife could do a dip test too.

I set it all out on the bathroom floor on folded up toilet paper, in case of drips, which was just as well because between filling the pot and going to empty it into the sample bottle there seemed to be a lot less in the container. Then I noticed the sodden toilet paper beneath it. I'd basically peed all over my own bathroom floor!

Luckily there was enough left in the pot to dip (all good there, yay!). And our bathroom floor is wood rather than carpet so it was easily mopped up and disinfected.

But that obviously wasn't the highlight of the visit.

At the start of the visit the midwife mentioned that we could try listening with the doppler if we wanted, with the heavy proviso that it might be to early to hear anything. Right at the end of the visit she pulled out the doppler, invited me to lie on the sofa and we could give it a go.

For a long moment there was nothing, just swishing and gurgling noises. Then the wonderful WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP sound started. We listened for about a minute until Bo had obviously had enough and kicked away from it. I felt a little ripple and we actually heard the movement on the doppler too. If I'd had any doubt about what I'd felt last week after the chilled orange juice, it was completely dispelled, I'm definitely feeling Bo now.

This week I also feel like I'm becoming more aware of Bo's movements. I guess since my bump has popped up, he's in a better position to feel them regularly.

Mostly I feel him after I've eaten. Especially at tea time, when I recline slightly. The flutters are also giving way to the occasional definite 'pop' sensation which I'm guessing are definite kicks or punches. Bo is certainly an active little bub.

I've also had a crazy craving for Philadelphia this week. Normally a tub will last me four or even five days for lunch at work. On Thursday I polished off half a tub in one go. I was restrained enough to spread it on Ryvitas but that was only really because I was in public; if I'd been at home I'd have just gone to town on the tub with a spoon!

Friday, 1 September 2017

17 Weeks Pregnant

I'm still here. Actually here isn't the usual here as we're on holiday right now.

Baby Bo is currently chipmunk size, clocking in at around five inches long. Hopefully he's not looking like a chipmunk, though I hear he's cultivating a full body hair covering right now, so maybe it's not a bad comparison after all.

I'm currently looking like this:

This was taken earlier today at the Skegness Aquarium after a magical moment when I had a big swig of chilled orange juice which set off a wonderful fluttering in my lower abdomen. Apparently it gave Bo a bit of a shock!

Sadly our time away is coming to a rapid end but we've had a lovely time. I've not been able to do as much as I might normally have done and we've had lots of rest days too, but it's been nice to get away for a while. Especially as the week before, well, the day of the holiday, we were still considering cancelling owing to my sickness.

I'm coming home with lots of goodies, photos and a far bigger bump than I left with. I may start taking bump photos soon.

Friday, 11 August 2017

14 Weeks

Today's been a bit of a landmark day today for several reasons.

Firstly, I'm now officially into the Second Trimester. This means I'm supposed to be seeing an end to the sickness, fatigue and sore boobs.

Of course, the steroids and ondansetron are taking care of the sickness right now, even if I am still suffering with crazy nausea; I'm not sleeping through the night so I'm still pretty fatigued; and my boobs didn't hurt much in the First Trimester but they're ramping it up now.

Oh, and you're supposed to stop needing to pee all the time. Well, dehydration had put paid to that for most of the last two months but now I'm drinking reliably, I'm in a constant state of wanting a wee. It seems worse when I lie down, which is helping neither the sleeping, nor the fatigue.

On the whole though, I am feeling a little more like myself. The other night I sat in bed and played with my watercolour paints. I might even try reading again this weekend.

The second milestone is the fact that I went to work every day this week.

Now I'm actually ashamed to admit that I don't remember the last time I managed a full week at work. Okay, a couple of times those partial weeks have been down to holiday or appointments, but mostly I've been too ill to go in. This Monday was the first I managed in I don't know how long!

This has been frustrating for several reasons. One, I never used to have absences. I was two years there before I took a sick day and it was because I was in hospital after narrowly avoiding being airlifted off the island. Two, I actually enjoy going to work and I like my colleagues, missing work makes me feel out of the loop and like I'm not doing my best, and I'm nothing if not an overachiever.

But I managed it this week. And apart from one 3am puking session on Tuesday, I managed it with only a few retches and no puking in the ladies' loos. This was actually cause for celebration with my team leader this afternoon; she clearly believes in celebrating personal achievements.

And thirdly, our final milestone of today is this:

Our first official Baby Bo purchase! And it was an absolute bargain!

I've said all the way along that it's cost us enough money to actually get Bo, so we're being pretty frugal about buying stuff for him. And with that in mind I've been keeping an eye on a local Facebook group where people on the island pass on or sell unwanted items.

In the last three months two cots have cropped up there, which I passed on because it seemed a little too early. But I still keep checking, just in case.

And yesterday that beauty showed up. It's a Clair de Lune moses basket, with a rocker stand, for those of you in the know about these things. So I guess we can make sure Bo gets over any tendencies towards sea sickness nice and early which'll come in handy living on the island. This was listed for the handsome price of £20. And that seemed like too good an offer to reuse.

After a quick discussion with the spousal unit (via Facebook Messenger, since we were in different rooms and are a thoroughly modern couple who weren't even in the room together when our child was conceived so why should we deal with this face to face?) He agreed we should go for it. And we did.

All that's left to spring for is a mattress which will bring the full thing to well under what we had been planning to pay for a basket, basic stand and all.

Oh, and you see the beautiful crocheted shawl I've oh-so-elegantly draped over the edge for the photo above (you can tell I'm getting better, I'm staging photos again)? That was handmade by Bo's Great-Nanny. It'll be hanging out in the basket for the next six months, waiting for Bo to join it.

Friday, 4 August 2017

13 Weeks Pregnant

No, I'm not a day ahead of myself. Bo is. We had our dating scan this week and our due date has been bumped up by a day!

Speaking of which, Hello World:

I've not posted because of a combination of reasons; I got sicker, my Mum came to visit, I got even sicker.

I've had a bit of a battle to get further treatment for the hyperemesis which saw me hitting complete rock bottom on Monday but luckily I saw a brilliant consultant on Wednesday who spotted signs of liver damage, got me on more medication and started treatment for malnutrition as well. I narrowly avoided another hospital admission but all this is for a much longer blog post.

Bo has been totally unaffected by all this. If anything he's been thriving, possibly because he's doing everything I have. He's now a day ahead of schedule and expected to arrive February 9th instead of 10th.

He's got arms, legs, a brain, a stomach and a beautiful little beating heart. He had a little stretch and a wiggle, then got bored with the whole being scanned thing and rolled over to turn his back on us. Of course, he may still be a she, but for now we'll go with he for simplicity's sake.

We next get to check in on him at the end of September which seems at once both really near and an an eternity away.

I'm hoping I continue to respond well to the new meds and as I'm now able to do more than just lie in a dark room, perhaps I'll even be able to get caught up on blogging again.

Keep everything crossed.

Saturday, 8 July 2017

9 Weeks Pregnant

Well it's been an eventful week at Chez Click.

Just to give you an idea of just how eventful it's been I'll begin by saying I'm writing this post from my bed in hospital in Paisley.

But first let's rewind a little way back to Monday when I discovered I could not stop throwing up. I've had pretty bad morning sickness but this had started on Sunday and I was no longer keeping anything down.

Cue a trip to the doctor where I was prescribed Stemetil which, once I doubled my dose, helped improve things enough for me to get to my scan on Wednesday.

There was that heart stopping moment when the nurse had the scanner in me (it was at the ACS Unit so it was an internal scan, of course) and she said something about the heartbeat. For a moment I wasn't sure if she was seeing one or not but then she turned the screen and there was a little heart-shaped thing flickering away and accompanied by this brilliant whoosh whoosh whoosh noise.

We got to see Bo wiggling away quite clearly though he'd flipped round by the time she came to take a photo so he's looking decidedly blob-shaped here. But that is a baby, honest.

We could also see evidence of the second sac/bleed which is still there but smaller now.

On the whole it was a very successful day.

Sadly the following day, Thursday, was less successful.

I managed some toast for breakfast and then began throwing up about three hours later. And couldn't stop.

I came home from work early, sobbed and vomited my way through the evening and agreed with Mr Click that I needed to go back to the doctor the following morning.

The doctor prescribed Cyclizine and asked for a urine sample, which I couldn't provide until much later in the day, and recommended drinking lots of flat sugary drinks.

Eventually I was able to pee and hand in my sample and expected that to be it for the day.

But it wasn't.

A couple of hours later Mr Click got a call asking to bring me and an overnight bag to the hospital. I was woken from my nap and was rushed in to see the midwives who set about arranging for me to come to Paisley.

Which meant rushing to catch the 4pm boat, being bundled into a waiting car and hurried up to the Maternity Unit.

Where there were rushed off their feet but were really fantastic. I had a long wait but after two hours things moved very quickly and within the next hour and a half I was admitted, hooked up to a drip and began the first of so many bags of fluid I lost count of them all.

And then I got moved up to the ward I'm on now.

For those who know about these things, my ketones were +4 when I was on the island and admitted to hospital. I think that means my body was basically breaking itself down for fuel.

After being permanently attached to a drip all night I was down to +3 and after lunch I was +1.

Now, at almost bedtime, I'm all clear. At last. So I'm set for a discharge tomorrow morning. I can't wait.

And did you notice the meals? That's right, I've been eating again. Proper food as well!

Here's hoping the rest of 9 Weeks Pregnant is a little less eventful though.

Saturday, 1 July 2017

8 Weeks Pregnant

Don't worry, I'm still here. The first trimester is just well and truly kicking my butt. I'm pretty much getting up every morning and counting down the time when I can get back into bed (6.30pm every evening). I also have morning, noon and night sickness and despite being the world's biggest baby about throwing up, I'm kind of loving it in a weird way. Oh, and don't suggest ginger for goodness sake, it's everyone's answer to morning sickness and it does nothing for me except burning like hell on the way back up!

First I'll catch you up with what's been going on here because although Seven Weeks was relatively calm, Six Weeks proved to be a little dramatic.

You'll remember that I started Week Six with a spot of bleeding. Well it was all good until the Monday when I tried to return to work. Getting out the car I felt a little 'wetness' so I moseyed on to the loo to discover bright red blood and not just a little of it.

I was 6 weeks 2 days, a full week on from the massive bleed which prompted the end of my pregnancy with Olaf and Elsa. I felt panicked and yet strangely calm because somehow this felt different to what I'd felt that time. I called Mr Click while I was on the loo, told him to come back for me, wandered through to tell my Team Leader I had to go and then headed over to the midwives at the hospital. It all felt a little like deja vu but just with less crying this time.

The midwife we saw, K, was lovely. She was so calm and reassuring, even though at first blush it WAS a lot of blood. She got us booked in for a scan at the Early Pregnancy Unit the following day (the earliest they could take us as scans are only scheduled for the morning) and even called me later in the day to see how I was getting on.

Luckily the bleeding tapered off over the course of the day and by the following morning I was just getting the tiniest bit of spotting. We headed off to the mainland for the scan not really knowing what to expect.

What nobody likes to tell you is that bleeding in early pregnancy is incredibly common, particularly in IVF pregnancies because of the effects of the medication you're taking. Doesn't make it any less scary when it happens to you.

We knew there was a whole spectrum of things that could be happening from a miscarriage right through to a bleed which just happens without any real reason. We knew we should see a baby on a scan at 6 weeks 3 days but it could be too early to see a heartbeat in which case it might be a little inconclusive. It was nerve-wracking to say the least.

Surprisingly it was an abdominal ultrasound rather than an internal one. And the moment she put the scanner on my belly I could see the gestational sac. Even better, before she zoomed in I could see there was something in it. Being the obsessive IVF patient that I am, I've been googling these things.

But the far better moment came just seconds later when she zoomed in on the contents of the sac and there was the perfect flicker of a little heartbeat just merrily doing its thing. I called it before she did!

That's our Bo. He's nestled over towards the right hand side of my uterus.

And the bleeding? Well that appears to have been coming from a second gestational sac so it looks like Luke tried to get going but couldn't for whatever reason. Whereas Bo's sac was nice and round with a nice dark background, Luke's was an odd shape with white bits in it. This was labelled detritus and could have been blood in the sac.

I noticed she did take a measurement of a little long narrow bit in that sac which might have been an embryo at some point. It was slightly smaller than Bo and it didn't have a flicker of a heartbeat.

Strangely I don't feel too sad about the prospect of a vanishing twin. I'm actually glad to know that our second embryo implanted and I'm glad we know what happened to him. It also justifies that little niggle of unease that I had about putting back two embryos. What if we'd only transferred the one and that was the one we put back? Instead of seeing a heartbeat on the scan it would have just been that sad looking sac. The fact that one took and the other didn't makes me think that chromosomally something wasn't quite right and I can cope with that. I'll miss my little Luke but I know he tried.

And it told us where the bleed was most likely coming from and also that we might expect another one (thankfully not so far) as the blood would either come out or be reabsorbed. All in all, as scans go, it was pretty perfect.

And as if to prove it was all okay, Bo kicked up the morning sickness that week. We progressed from nausea to full on vomiting. Usually I spend an hour in the bathroom from about 5.30pm onwards. Sometimes he starts it around 4pm to keep me on my toes. I'm becoming very well acquainted with the bottom of the loos at work!

This week Bo will start to look decidedly baby-like.

We've got a scan scheduled this week so I'm hoping to see that little heart still doing its thing as well as some little arm and leg buds and maybe even some movement. 

Speaking of arms and legs, the Ovia pregnancy app I get these pictures from has this section which shows you your baby's hand and foot size relative to what it's likely to be when they're born. Of course the hands and feet don't actually develop until around Week Eight so I've been waiting rather impatiently to see what this feature looks like.

I have not been disappointed, look at this tiny hand:

And this little dot is the actual size of a foot this week.

I actually beg to differ on this one. I have massive feet for my height, clearly I'm part Hobbit, so I suspect any child of mine will have feet twice as big as the average so as not to let the side down.

What with the tiredness and the sickness and my incredibly limited diet at the moment (oh, and the insomnia, hence the writing of this blog post at 1am, about the only time of day I can keep my eyes open), I'm definitely feeling pregnant right now. And I'm hoping to stay that way for a good while yet.

So keep everything crossed for a nice strong heartbeat this week.

Saturday, 17 June 2017

6 Weeks Pregnant

Today I'm officially six weeks pregnant and according to my app the baby (or babies) will be looking something like this soon, if not already:

This is from the Ovia Pregnancy app and apparently I'm having a character from The Simpsons as all the growing baby images are yellow.

The app tells me that this week a tiny little heart should be beating in my offspring's chest. The baby itself will be about the size of a ladybird and the heart smaller than a poppy seed. My mind is seriously blown at both how tiny this is and also how much it has grown in just three weeks.

This week's been a bit of a mixed bag. We started it with the confirmation that I was definitely pregnant thanks to the hospital blood test, we also made it through the equivalent days when everything went pear-shaped with Olaf and Elsa, and then finished up our last day of Week 5 with a bleed.

It was small but scary and entirely not what I wanted to be seeing following the week when I'd bled and ultimately miscarried. I immediately took the day off work, put myself to bed and have remained there ever since. It seems to have done the trick.

As if to reassure me that all hope is not lost, this evening saw me with my head down the loo, retching up a storm, while I alternately laughed and cried. I've been feeling nausea for about two weeks now but this is the closest I've come to throwing up.

I'm sure I won't be saying this in a few weeks time, but for now, I hope it continues for a while.

I've also got some major good aversions. As in everything except chips. I have a theory that since we went to McDonald's immediately after transfer, the embryo(s) believe chips are the only real food. Mr Click served up chocolate spread on toast for breakfast and my immediate response was to hurl though once I started eating it passed.

Happily I can stand small quantities of dark chocolate but most sweet things are a definite no right now.

Except for sour gummy worms... or tangfastics... I could really go for some of them right now.

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Taking the Test

The 'Two Week Wait' is a torturous time between your embryo transfer and the date you've been given to test on. Different clinics ask people to test on different days, some ask people not to test at all and instead have them go to the hospital for a blood test.

Even between my four transfers I've been given a range of different days to test on, from nine or ten days post transfer right the way up to 12 or 14 days after. Of course this time was the longest I've had to wait.

When an embryo implants it takes a little while for the hCG to build up in your system to be at a high enough level to be detected by a pregnancy test. This starts to be produced around day five or six after transfer but isn't really measurable until day nine, which is the first day you could expect to get a result on a pregnancy test.

With this in mind I carefully calculated that June 3rd would be the earliest I could possibly get a positive test. I'd planned to test early mainly because my official test day was a Thursday and I didn't like the idea of getting the result and then having to go to work straight afterwards, particularly if it wasn't a good result.

The Saturday seemed like the best day to do it, since we would have the whole weekend to come to terms with the result. It was also early enough not to completely ruin my hopes if it was a negative, it might have just been a little too early for it to show up, but by the same token it would help to cushion the devastating blow the following Thursday.

Mr Click and I discussed it. At first he wasn't keen on me testing early, but then he came around to my way of thinking and agreed that testing on Saturday seemed like a good idea.

On the Thursday before I was all for testing but then the following day I felt completely zen about the whole thing. I wonder if this was a little like the overwhelming feeling of 'I'm pregnant' that I got with Olaf and Elsa at about the same point. I sort of felt like I didn't need to test, I could wait until the following Thursday, it was all good.

But then I woke up at 3am on Saturday. Now, if you're not familiar with pregnancy tests, you need to hold your pee for a while before you take the test. They recommend about four or five years to allow the hCG to build up. I worked out that if I was going to take the test, it would have to be then, there'd be no way I could hold on until 7/8am later that morning.

So I dragged myself out of bed. Peed in a little container for the purpose, dipped the test, turned it over and waited three minutes.

And this is what I saw:

That was taken virtually as soon as I'd turned it over and it was a total squinter. The camera wouldn't even focus on it properly unless I stuck my ring on the thing to give it something to focus on.

But it was all I needed to give me a little hope, so I kept watching and after about five minutes it looked like this:

Bear in mind that these photos were taken in awful lighting in the bathroom at some unholy time of the morning. In daylight you could see the line without even squinting:

I think that was when I truly believed that we might just have done it.

Wednesday, 14 June 2017


... with a suspected UTI.

I think it started on Monday when we took our trip to the hospital to pick up a fresh supply of my meds. I was aware of the fact that I didn't want to be needing to pee all the way into Glasgow so I drank less than usual which seems to have had an adverse effect on me.

The problem is a sore lower back, needing to pee all the time, and feeling generally run down pretty much describes all my pregnancy symptoms so I sort of hesitated on whether or not it was worth going to the doctor. Yesterday I thought it was nothing to worry about, but this morning I asked Mr Click to make the call and he decided a trip to the doctor was worthwhile.

I'm glad he did.

To paint a wee picture (no pun intended), I filled up a sample bottle. Within ten minutes I needed to nip to the loo again. As well as ten minutes after that. About ten minutes after that we left to go to my appointment (five minutes up the road), by which point I abandoned the spousal unit to check me in so I could nip to the loo again. And then another ten minutes later (right when I was due to go in to see the doctor) I had to nip in again.

I've got a short dose of amoxicillin and we're waiting until Monday for my results to come back in case I need to take something stronger. I have a funny feeling this won't be the last time I'm getting a UTI during this pregnancy.

... After the Crash by Michel Bussi.

It's this month's book club book and I'm finding it to be one of those 'one more chapter books'. It's told in both the 'present day' (late nineties) and through a journal which one of the characters is reading. This means that inevitably a chapter ends and you have to wait until halfway through the next one or the one after it to pick up the strand of the story you've been reading so you just have to keep going.

I managed to read about one hundred pages straight off at the weekend though I've slowed down a little since then.

I'm also reading a Mother & Baby magazine, because why not? Mr Click picked it up for me today (I think to cheer me up after the UTI and antibiotic stuff). Our baby doesn't even have feet yet, but I'm going to be hot on tips to help them learn to walk when they get here.

What's keeping you occupied this week?